Tonight I grieve deeply reminiscing on my short time I had with my love Trey and sweet friends Alex and Caleb. I wanted to share my experience recently and my evolving definition of this word we call “grief”.
I have chosen to accept this night dedicated to feeling most emotions that are easily pushed to the side during my daily routine and pursuing my dreams. Not that I don’t think about Trey every single day, but with 3 years coming up in a few months the days have been much more bearable if you will.
I have the courage to talk about the deep loss that affected me and many others in a more gentle and loving way. I find myself bringing up Trey in my daily conversations with friends talking about our love, comparing stories, and keeping his love that I felt so strongly alive. Happiness most of my days greets me at the door with the smell of fresh air, the sun shining on my skin, and the smile from a stranger.
But tonight I let in the sadness. I open the door leaving it unlocked behind me so when it is ready to leave, it can leave freely.
I feel it all as if it could have happened yesterday. I acknowledge and accept the darkness that surrounded my life for months just a short 2 1/2 years ago. I am able to look into the past and see the growth since this unimaginable and painful time.
As I sit here writing this I offer myself compassion and a wave of relief washes over me while clearing my tears allowing the ability to feel, recognize, and express about what is on my heart.
We, humans, are deeply unskilled with this thing we call grief. That needs to change. Through the different losses that I have experienced over the past few years with a deep love, dear friends, friends parents, and distant relatives I have learned a lot or to say I have examined the depths of these losses in many forms resulting back to one thing we all have in common.
The feeling of being alone and unheard.
The feeling as if we are a burden on others with the pain we feel so deeply. We try to push this strong emotion down until it doesn’t even seem like its there anymore because people have to be tired of me still talking about this 6 months later, right? Or on the other side, we don’t know how to react. There wasn’t a course in school teaching us how to hold your best friend when their parent has just died or what to say to your friend’s mom when their son has just died unexpectedly.
This kind of stuff isn’t talked about and it almost seems like a disease that we don’t want to catch but can infect anyone of us at any time in a blink of an eye.
In our culture, we grasp on to this ridiculous concept of being independent or holding it all together. We put on these unnecessary masks at work, social media, even to the ones who love us most. Because to show or express what we truly feel is considered “weak or unhealthy.”
We try and do this alone. Almost like putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. It isn’t going to work.
But what I have seen in my life is that grieving out loud and asking for help is one of the bravest acts one can do.
Anyone who courageously speaks about this deep pain after losing someone they love starts the healing journey that will last a lifetime, but you must start.
You have to begin somewhere. We have to educate ourselves on this. We have to take a stand together. Build our community and offer love to the ones we love.
Tell your story. Cry out loud when you need to. Hug your family and friends a little tighter each day. Offer your shoulder and ears to someone in pain, you never know when you will be the one needing it next.
That is all I have to say for now. If you made it this far thank you for reading. I hope that my journey through “grief” can help you through yours.
Let’s change the conception of this emotion. Together.