I am sitting on the plane in a haze with an overwhelming feeling of, “this is really it.”
I’ve been talking about this move, this next step, this journey for a year and a half now. The conversations have easily slipped through my teeth like a monologue I’ve said 1000 times, but now that it’s actually here, a knot has formed in my throat and I’ve forgotten my lines.
Hugging people a bit tighter, taking a deep breath, and saying “I’ll see you soon.” seems like my religion these days.
It all happened so fast, I try and convince myself. But the days have not sped up or slowed down.
A year and some in Tulsa of dancing in the bathroom with my sweet mom, sitting in the sun with my dad, singing with my nana each morning, cuddling with my 14-year-old puppies, seeing Taylor raise the most beautiful children and bring the new life of Sofia to the world, spending time with new and old friends, reconnecting with my family, experiencing the holidays for the first time at home in 3 years since traveling.
A year of facing some of the toughest battles, growing in love with myself, and really discovering what it means to be alive and learning to love this life.
Learning to love this life even in the stagnate stages or the place I didn’t imagine myself to be. Taking full control of my joy and deciding each day this is my reality I create and to experience growth you gotta get uncomfortable.
I’m uncomfortable right now.
The knot in my throat is still here.
An ache surrounds my heart.
I have wept hard and fallen to my knees and I have also laughed until my jaw hurts.
Things are changing and change is hard, but one thing I come back to is feeling it all.
I let these emotions come without judgment or wanting to change them. The gorgeous feeling of feelings! I use to run from this or try and distract myself from the hard ones, but man it feels good to be alive!!
It feels right to be so damn sad, nervous, excited, and all the in-between right now.
Sometimes those hard emotions can get in your way or stop you from changing your life, but I promise you the hard things are the most rewarding ones.
I am thankful for my time at home and everything that it has brought me. I cherish every second of it.
I am thankful for Thom, my love, who is sitting next to me rubbing my feet while I type this hehe. I’ll talk all about him in the next post.
Thank you for your kind words and support as I venture to my new home.
Fall in love with the feelings, but don’t take them so seriously. It’s all temporary anyway.
Sending love your way.
I’ll see you soon!